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A church sister confided in me and said she has a boyfriend who is not christian and they are having sex and she does not believe it is wrong, because she does not believe that you have to be married by a pastor etc to be married. (referred to Adam and Eve) What can I really show or tell her??

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What does she consider being married is then? Let's look at this from the world's perspective. The world does not recognize marriage without paperwork from a clergy or justice of the peace. Some states even go farther by talking about common law marriage. Anything other than what God has stated causes confusion. God is not the author of confusion. There are too many problems with the sex part already. Without being married, the devil, I will guarantee you will show up to do harm. You can't stop anyone from doing what they are going to do anyway, but you can always pray for them that they Holy Spirit will intervene.
Like Gregory I am also intrigued as to how this sister defines marriage? She obviously regards herself as being married so how and when did this "marriage" take place?

Is it anything more than just an excuse to sin? Even the world requires that you live together for at least 6 months before you can claim Common Law marriage.

As a Christian, when did she make a vow before God to join herself to this man and who is aware of this union? Has she told all her friends, her brothers and sisters in the church, her work colleagues, etc.? In fact, is it common knowledge that she is now married?

Next, and equally if not more importantly, does her boyfriend know that they are married? Does he refer to her as his wife and to himself as her husband?

What is the point of a church marriage, of being joined by a pastor? When I took my vows I stood before the congregation of the church and before God and declared that I would foresake all others for this woman. It acheived a few things, firstly, I publically declared our union - no-one could be left in doubt (and hundreds of women left the church sobbing as they realised there was no longer any hope for them). Next, and most importantly, we asked God's blessing on our union - how could we survive without Christ in the centre of our marriage?

Public marriage ensures that there is no confusion, everyone knows who is attached to who and therefore who is now off-limits! Also... we publically affirmed our belief in God and had an opportunity for our non-Christian friends to find themselves in church listening to a sermon :-)
I've been following this discussion with interest and have a questionwhich I've also posted in the pre-marital sex discussion: what should you do if you've gone too far in the past i.e. you've committed this sin. Should you marry the partner or are there major chances the marriage would not survive? Should you marry if the woman has a child, regardless of other factors? Obviously you should seek forgiveness from God, but can you ever be in a position to marry at all or does such behaviour disqualify you for life? I'd value your opinions.
"There is no new thing under the sun." therefore forgiveness is granted unto all men that we be saved. I believe that there is no such behavior to which a man can disqualify himself from spared life, unless having their conscience seared with a hot iron; they give heed to seducing spirits and doctrines of devils.For hell wasn't prepared for the devil and his angels and God wishes that non should perish but come to repentance.

A whole lifetime is being spent to rectify the mistake made by Adam and Eve, and of such mistakes we too likewise fall subjected to sin because it's only a matter of choice that we do the wrong thing, knowing the good thing.

"And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife." and "Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world."
Therefore one should take the initiative, moreso if he bore a son or daughter, and do his part in accordance to the total will of God.
Too many fatherless children and widows out there...
Love and respect
It appears that this sister has not rooted herself in God's word, and does not have a clear understanding of Gods' commands to realize that she is committing fornication. In addition she has not realized that she has entered a serious relationship with an unbeliever. If she is indeed thinking of marriage with this individual she also needs to remember that the bible is clear that we should not be unequally yoked with a non believer (2 Cor 6:14, Deut 22:10). I would share your concern with her lovingly, and back up your words with all the pertinent scripture. Pray for the moving of the Holy Spirit to direct her into truth. -Joanne
it us sa to hear this but still God has a way to His children.
i can start by saying that there is atrill room for stange for the sister.Since she is a christain, she should know what she is doing is not pleasing God and is sin.
i believe prayers can do wonders and for the case she should pray and see herself as a sinner and ask God to forgive her and change through the power of the Holy spirit since it will show her where she has made a mistake. John 13:16.from there she will knowing all the changes to be taken and the way to relate to the know fornication is sin and so iit should not be prctised before marriage.
i pray for the sister that God will show her what is good and to change for the better.
also satan will deceive us not to understand what God want of us.
much later.bye
nice once more.i did some typing error.the text that i gave as suppose to be John16:13.
i apologise for the small error.
still the prophet has some message for u.
"From the light that God has given me, fornication and adultery are estimated by a large number of the first-day Adventists as sins which God winks at. These sins are practiced to a great extent. They do not acknowledge the claims of God's law upon them. They have broken the commandments of the great Jehovah and zealously teach their hearers to do the same, declaring that the law of God is abolished and has no claims upon them. In accordance with this free state of things, sin does not appear so exceedingly sinful; "for by thelaw is the knowledge of sin." We may expect to find in this company men who will deceive, and lie, and give loose rein to lustful passions. But men and women who acknowledge the Ten Commandments binding, who observe the fourth commandment of the Decalogue, should carry out in their lives the principles of all ten of the precepts given in awful grandeur from Sinai".
be blessed with this.
Sin is sweet and the devil will always give u a good reason why u should go on with whichever sin u commit,sex outside marriage is sin, and marriage without a proof is not real, no matter how we justify it, sex outside marriage always end up debasing the one who involves him or herself in it. so i would advice the sister to stop such act, untill she's truly married to the brother, it all started when she decided to be with an unbeliever, i suggest she ends the relationship so as to totally be free
Last week a guy with this same concern told me that there is no need for a pastor or a document to make it a marriage. I agreed it is not the pastor that makes a marriage, but there are laid-down procedures and culturally accepted rules in each society that do not go against Bible principles. Again we need spiritual leaders like pastors or elders to bless our marriages, it is important. Documenting a marriage as required by laws needs to be followed as Christians, it is not bad. Statistically it helps a nation to plan and it helps to settle inheritance disputes. We have a lot of examples that indicate the Bible is against sex outside marriage. If we want to stretch our imaginations logically we will commit more sins. So this Christian sister needs to pray and reflect more on the position she has taken. Is it a position she will recommend for her own daughters, sons, friends and other people?.
I think this goes on in the church more than what we want to admit. There are alot of things that go on in the church than we would like to admit. Bottom line is, we all need to follow Jesus to overcome and share Jesus with the world.

May the peace and blessings of Jesus be upon you !
I would just ask her the following question ....

Does her boyfriend realize that they are married?

If not ... then her theory is blown out of the water.
She's right. There where people in the Bible that where married, but there was never a ceremony. I don't even know when people started having a ceremony. For a long time, they just started shacking up and everyone just recognized them as being married. Like Isaac and Rebekah:

Gen. 24:67 And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's [death].

Even if you're having sex with someone, you're married, as far as God is concerned.

1 Cor. 6:15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make [them] the members of an harlot? God forbid.
6:16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.

Even if you go into a prostitute, you are getting married with a prostitute. You are one flesh. You are family. Take her to meet your parents. Talk about raising children. Whatever. But when you're time is up, you have to get a divorce, because she has a business to run. It's nothing personal.

That's why there's so much in the NT against fornication. It's like a marriage and then a divorce, in the same night. And Jesus said divorce is adultery.

But if people are committed to each other, then they should make it official, not just to God, but also to the State, and to the Church. These days there is a lot more paperwork than in Genesis.


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