Young people are often puzzled by this and confused if there is actually a age set for this............. What are your views?
The fact that they are hitting puberty before they are emotionally / mentally old enough to make those calls is even more of a reason to keep them separate until they are.. My mom making an acceptation with a "new approach", because she thought I had my head on my shoulders when I was 16 just because I had already finished with high school and started at business school, while taking care of her disabled self.. She thought I was grown enough.. but she was dead wrong.. Why? Because the little good judgment I had at that age was overridden by aging hormones, so I ended up making life changing decisions that ended up with me being engaged and pregnant at 17. I gave birth two weeks before my 18th birthday.. And while I wouldn't give my boys up for the world, they wouldn't have come till much later, and definitely not been born to a man who would beat us (he has been out of our lives since my oldest was two) if my mom had wanted to let me date until my hormones weren't overriding good since..
Everyone always tells them selves "Well my kid isn't that stupid, they wouldn't do that." If you are saying that about your kid you are lying to your selves, because they are and they will... Few people would have thought that I would.. Heck, I was 16 in business school, spent most of my free time with my grandma, and occasionally went with her to volunteer at the nursing homes to cheer the residents up, was home schooled, lived 30 miles away from almost anyone under the age of 18, and had three great uncles that were all pastors... but it didn't keep me from making stupid choices that would change the course of my life forever..
"If dating is something that occurs in the community and is encouraged in healthy ways then it will not end up in as many teen pregnancies and bad relationships. If our young people are forced to hide then we only find these things out far too late"
LOL.. How old are you kids? You may encourage it in a healthy way and even make the effort to meet every kid that your kid goes out with to give a stamp of approval.. My mom did both of those thing as as well as make sure she knew exactly when I would be home. But unless you chaperone your kids, I hat to break your heart, but they will do a lot of things they shouldn't be doing, because of those raging hormones.. And as far as meeting the kids every guy I ever dated could have won the Academy Award for pulling one over on my mom.. lol and I did the same with their parents.. And I had a very open relationship with my mom when it came to talking about stuff like that.. I even made her blush when she asked me the first time how much I knew about sex, because I was so open with her.. but even to this day she is still finding out about things I did that she didn't know about, because that's what kids do.. To think otherwise is just plain naivety..
As for them hiding things, the key is to make them fully understand what you are doing and why.. I have had such an open and honest relationship with my son over the years that while he may not always like not being like "everyone else" he has learned over the years and many long talks that I never give him an arbitrary rule, and that when he doesn't trust my judgment he gets hurt.. So he's uncomfortable, but he understands it and is good with the knowledge that he won't date until he's 18.
And how do I know he isn't sneaking around behind my back? Because he spends most of his time at home, and when he is gone, I not only know which friends house he is going to but am friends with their parents, because I am involved parent.. So he knows if he lies to me and goes somewhere else he will get snitched on, because I will call his friends mom to check. Not to mention that making sure I am friends with the parents of his friends, I know every little thing that happens while he is there. That is what a parent is supposed to do..
I keep tight reigns on my boys and you know they actually respect me for it.. I am best friends with my sons.. and even though I have some strict rules in certain areas of life we enjoy almost every moment we spend together.. Well at least the moments where I am not making them do their chores.. lol
1.) Th question was rhetorical, I already knew you have no kids of your own based on your responses.. An experienced parent never answers the way you have.
2.) First you say I'm so strict my kids wont feel comfortable with me, and then you say I'm to friendly with them..? Make up your mind.
I am always mom before friend.. The parents that screw that one up are the ones who let there kids have a vote in anything and are more concerned with being friend than mom.
3.) Ya I am, but I don't do it in a hard fashion.. I stick to the wisdom in Child Guidance in how I raise my kids.. I am loving, and gentle, but firm in my stance, so my kids don't rely see me as strict at all... In fact my oldest feels bad for some of the kids in his school, because their parents don't do that... because he knows that it is something that only a loving parent does.. Especially in the way I do it.
4.) My kids may be a bit older, but they have no breathing room.. and as bad as I was there isn't a trick I don't know.. So it's pretty hard to get anything past me.. He is allowed to go the places he goes, because I have people I know and trust watching him while he is there.. Which is the only reason he is allowed to go there.. Sure, I bet he may get a few things past the teacher while he's in school.. All kids do. But as far as what happens out of school.. either me, my mom, or his friends mom are with him just about every second of every day unless he is in the bathroom, and he spends most of his days at home.. He is content to be there, so I'm pretty sure I know what's going on..
That would help the hormonal urges a lot, but that doesn't rely apply with my kids, because I am vegan, so I don't expose them to stuff that would have that any way..
I do think it helps though.. My son started noticing girls a little while after his friends did, and even now is not as bad about it as they are.. Though I think the fact that I have taught him to have a abnormally healthy respect for women in general helps as well...
"Some look for love they can't find at home, and mistake "boyfriends, girlfriends" for that love they needed as kids. I knew kids like that. but some kids are more independent and don't need a "boyfriend/girlfriend" to make them feel whole till they get much older. it really all depends on the person."
I can agree with that one.. Though sadly the former is the one I most frequently observe.. It makes me so sad for those kids..
1.) You know good and well that what I meant by it is that my kids don't have any opportunity to sneak around behind my back, because I have ways of being vigilant even when I my self am not present, so please quit trying to make me sound like some nazi control freak, just because I am a responsible mother, who is involved in my sons life.
2.) If you have issue with my methods I suggest you read Child Guidance, because I do exactly what sister White prescribes, and her sons turned out to be great workers for the Lord. I am much more comfortable taking advice on how to raise my kids from a mother who had divine inspiration from God on the subject, than someone who doesn't even have kids of their own to have had any experience with..
I'm not trying to be cold and I'm sorry if I came off that way.. I just wanted to state the facts as I see them.. Sorry if I seem to have trouble expressing it the right way at times, but I am mildly autistic, and when I get fired up and passionate about a subject the part of my disorder that effects communication tends to kick in a bit.
And being as I am not only a mother, but run a children's ministry my self, and have seen a lot of kids messed up by the very methods of parenting you are defending right now where it pertains to deal with youth and hormones so, I do get a bit passionate.. Zealous I guess you could say..
Though I do understand how the kids in the ministry in a way begin to feel like your own.. I have a pretty close relationship to the kids I work with too.. I think I'm second mom to half the neighborhood now.. lol All of the kids come hang out over at my house.. but still it is not even close to the life lessons and experience gained as a parent.. The most I can say is that it helps you learn how to talk to them, about serious issues.. But as a parent you go past that and learn what it takes to actually see them through every hurdle, bump, and bruise they will ever have.. physically and emotionally.. ..
Thanks Ronald ;0)
if you want to get married, then you should start dating when you feel you are ready for marriage. If you feel or know that you aren't that ready - don't date until then.
Dating is not very safe at all - but if the child is responsible it's a necessary evil.
Teach your kids, set a good example and keep close watch.
The average age to begin dating was about 16 and getting pregnant about 18. Before that it was groups of friends out for a party or a dance or something. It was still a date, but not dating. Now, they start dating about 12 getting pregnant at 15. I think the age to begin dating should be about ...? Maturity should be prior and above all self esteem.