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Hi brethren, is it bad for a youth to have a few girlfriends, around two, three or four to choose from as you plan to marry in a year or so?

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You and I already had a separate email conversation about this issue and you made your position loud and clear at that time, so I'm not sure why you even bothered to re-post this unless you are intent on irritating me. I do not think you mean to be rude, but your comments are incredibly ignorant. 

Not once in your post did you quite The Holy Bible so I will do it here. 

An important Scripture in understanding this subject is 2 Corinthians 6:14: "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers." That last word, "unbelievers" is of key importance. A Christian should not marry a non-Christian--no matter how kind and good they are. Where does this include race? 

What about interracial marriage?

Deuteronomy 7:1-6 tells the Israelites to destroy all the inhabitants of the Canaan land and not to intermarry with them--because they would "turn your sons away from following Me, that they may serve other gods." The same key concern of 2 Corinthians 6:14 is again expressed here. Where does this talk about race? 

Moses' wife was of another race and in Numbers 12:1-15 Aaron and Miriam were punished for criticizing this interracial marriage.

The book of Ruth tells a delightful story of a foreigner who became part of the lineage of Christ. The harlot, Rahab, also of another nation, is included in the lineage of Christ as recorded in Matthew 1. Colossians 3:11 makes it clear that from God's perspective all are one in Christ.

The Bible is clear that when both parties are believers (equally yoked), interracial marriage is not wrong. A Christian couple contemplating marriage must prayerfully and carefully consider the impact their marriage will have within heir cultural context, their family relationships, future children and the society in which they live.

A loving Christian couple may accommodate well to many kinds of differences between themselves. However, there are cultural contexts where interracial marriage poses significant barriers to acceptance of the marriage and/or the children of the marriage. This is true of ANY marriage between two people. 

Interracial marriages are becoming more common in many societies. All couples contemplating marriage need to give thoughtful consideration to a variety of practical issues, some of which may have no clear Biblical imperative. Get used to it, Ray. 

I never said it would not be marriage is. That was never even my point.  I'm just thankful that my world is much larger than yours and that my parents (highly educated, God-fearing parents by the way) raised me to use The Holy Bible as my main source of spiritual education and not outdated rhetoric. 

I'm leaving the site because of comments like yours. I never dreamed that joining the SDA Church could cause me many problems. All I wanted to do was be part of a church that had an international legacy of loving Christ and saving souls, period. I see now why my parents kept me out of church and focused on a relationship with Christ.  



Frankly, I had forgotten the previous exchange you referred to.  No, I was not trying to challenge you again or hurt you.  Likewise, I applogize for any hurt that I have caused you.  It was not intended. 

In actuality, from your post, we agree far more than there may be any disagreement.  If I may hazard an observation, could it be that you have read into what I have written some things I was not really saying?  This observation comes from from reading your comments just now.  I do not really see that much difference between the conclusions I have shared and what you have shared.  Just a thought.

Maranatha :)

i change pictures alot.

u can ask my chat room buddies

sometimes its a house or a drawing of a girl i made

or me and an old lady or me when a youth


that particular picture of me and my buddy was taken june of 89

and im not photogenic and that is one of my fave pics of me

aaahhh youth! 



pictures dont tell all the story :)

and maybe i should put one of me with another so u can speculate if i have sex with whomever i happen to be standing next to when the camera flashes

Is the having fun on casual relationships the enjoying our youth? Ooo, then i should have fun. But if am turning 26 in April and I feel my time is running out, how much more should u feel hurry since you are 30? My advise is that you change your strategy. seek a serious relationship and marry. A time will come when no lady will have interest in you


You have to wait on the Lord, He will reveal his plans for your life in due time. Remember God is never late when in the way he deals with our needs. He provides what you need on time. SO do not think that time is running out for you, because it is not. Please reconsider when you say you want to be married by 27, age setting can be dangerous. I have known many ppl who had a specific age for them to get married, and when they felt that they were running out of time, they end up making the wrong decision. 

My best advice for you is to wait on the Lord, pray, keep your eyes open, attend group gatherings and social events, befriend young ladies and let the Spirit leads.


Now am agreeing with you on befriending. This helped me in getting to know them But age, what i fear most is following the path many have. Around here in Mombasa, Kenya, many Adventist youths are unmarried, even at 30. I sometimes pause the question when given opportunity as master of ceremonies in youth gatherings and they say they havent found the right persons to marry. Is that true? Or are they buying time enjoying their youth? I even allude to Paul's teachings that if one cant hold, let him marry. I see many messing up, going with ladies, impregnating them, some good choristers getting pregnant with other people's children after two years of planning marriage. This is what am trying to avoid. I'd rather marry 'early', at 27 than wait for 30 and marry after messing, and soiled my reputation.

HOW can you POSSIBLY be planning to MARRY in a YEAR or SO when you don't even have a solid relationship with one of these girlfriends?  Most engagements are about a year in length, just that there is time to plan the  wedding and details of married life (like where to live, how to handle finances, etc).  I think that you have the order all mixed up if you want to marry and have a time frame in mind, but have NO IDEA who you want to spend the rest of your life with.  

Don't simply look for someone that you think you could be happy with, rather look for the one that you can't imagine life without!

I see Jeanne. That's a good one. There is this fear that i may select one i prefer to marry and live with my whole life but it turns out we arent compatible or cant just marry.

Thank you Vincent for the advice. Its a good one. People in a relationship need to know one another before they plan to marry. But I still have reservations with choosing one two years before marriage. One, what if she turns out to be someone you cannot marry after one year of courting, like in Kenya we cant marry form certain trbes, or two, what if the woman says she cant marry you more than a year later in relationship when in your mind you were settled you would marry in a few months time?

God bless

I don't know how you guys do these things. I used the Abraham method. God leads the way. Why in the world would you date someone for a year then discover she is not the one? Who determines if she is the one? God or you? I don't remember Grabl saying: I still want to get to know if you are the one. He knew she was the one before, because God says so. We cannot know the heart, only God knows... In my humble opinion, don't go around proposing ladies and promising them a relationship and tell them you just want to see if you are compatible. And spend a year then after you move on. That is a waste of time for the lady. Discover if she is the one before not after... SOP says its a sin of no small magnitude, to trifle with hearts. Read letters to young lovers by EG White. God bless you.
sorry, Grabl I meant Isaac!
Vincent, may the Lord richly bless you. I love your spirit. You are a brave man, and the Lord loves those who see the need of having him in their lives.


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