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Chew on this - is it all right for an elder or any parent to encourage their daughter to date an unbeliever?

I know a situation where the daughter who is less than 20, lives at home with parents and dating an unbeliever. Father has tried to discourage but gets no support from mother. Father is an elder in the church and has stated how he has tried to discourage her by talking to her about it but she is not listening to him.

Are we at the stage where children control parents and do just what they please regardless of objections by their parents. What do you think he should do? Should he do anything? Besides he has another daughter approaching that age too.

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The husband is the head of the family just as Christ is the head of the church. If an Elder fails to put his house in order, then how will he be able to put his church in order?

Our church has administration and Elders working with the church board have the final call on important issues.

The father to this child has stand up as a Seventh-Day Adventist and put his house in order. No dating out of the church period

The father has no jurisdiction. The daughter is a legal adult.

This idea that an elder has to have his house in order before he can serve the church is hogwash.
The word of God is now hogwash?
Lord Have Mercy...

It Is Written, the elder has to be with a house which is in order. The daughter is still under the jurisdiction of the father and as a matter of fact, Jesus will ask this elder where are the children I gave you?
"It Is Written..."

Please point me to the quotes that say this.
I think there is going to be a serious shortage of elders .... if we go by the Joseph principle. For none of us have our house in order. We are all sinners. I am an ordained elder. But the church does not inquire about my adult son and whether he is doing all that he should be doing. That is hogwash.
Yes It Is Written:

Titus 1:5-9 KJV

For this cause left I thee in Crete, that thou shouldest set in order the things that are wanting, and ordain elders in every city, as I had appointed thee:
If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly

For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre;
But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate;
Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers.

Testimonies Vol. 5 p.617
The apostle Paul writes to Titus: "Set in order the things that are wanting, and ordain elders in every city, as I had appointed thee: if any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly. For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God." It would be well for all our ministers to give heed to these words and not to hurry men into office without due consideration and much prayer that God would designate by His Holy Spirit whom He will accept.

Said the inspired apostle: "Lay hands suddenly on no man." In some of our churches the work of organizing and of ordaining elders has been premature; the Bible rule has been disregarded, and consequently grievous trouble has been brought upon the church. There should not be so great haste in electing leaders as to ordain men who are in no way fitted for the responsible work--men who need to be converted, elevated, ennobled, and refined before they can serve the cause of God in any capacity.

The gospel net gathers both good and bad. It takes time for character to be developed; there must be time to learn what men really are. The family of the one suggested for office should be considered. Are they in subjection? Can the man rule his own house with honor? What character have his children? Will they do honor to the father's influence? If he has no tact, wisdom, or power of godliness at home in managing his own family, it is safe to conclude that the same defects will be carried into the church, and the same unsanctified management will be seen there. It will be far better to criticize the man before he is put into office than afterward, better to pray and counsel before taking the decisive step than to labor to correct the consequences of a wrong move.

There we go, if an elder's house isn't in order he is just not fit to be an elder. The church can't just give a blind eye to the elder's family if they do so, they are performing on contrary to what the word of God says.

My RIP dad was a deacon until the age of close to 90yrs and he was refused to become an elder just for one reason, one of my siblings wasn't in order at the time.

These days we just appoint elders, he has money? yes, is he old? yes, that's not the criteria which the bible says.
This is the very reason why the state of spirituality in the church is dwindling and the very reason why there's no true stewardship.

I mean if an elder has got a daughter who is dating outside the church, how will he be able to speak about fornication, homosexuality, masturbation and other sins of this age?

Isaiah 8:20 (KJV)
To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.
Adults are not children.

And if your daughter is dating outside the church .... then you well know the difficulties about fornication etc. and can speak wisely in your advice to the church.

Just because one is a sinner ... does not mean that he is not able to speak about sin. No. He can more wisely speak about the dangers of sin. Just point people to the scriptures.

If we were to go by the Joseph principle .... we would have no elders and no pastors ... because they all sin.
I am afraid 4Him,

IT IS WRITTEN an elder's house has got to be in order, kids inclusive.
Well, you forgot to mention one thing in your thread. And that's one missing point I wanted to see. Were the parents both a strong SDA or half-baked SDA? If they truly had a strong foundation on the principles of Adventism, they would not encourage their children to date an unbeliever...;-)
Do you mean that a legal adult - 18 years or older - has to be "encouraged" to date an unbeliever? Or anyone else for that fact?
I would stand for No...Every SDA parent desires their children to settle with same believer to avoid so much conflict when it comes to beliefs, culture, or whatever traditions they have ever been used to do...",
True. But folks - especially parents - ought to realise that because a person who they once made all decisions for, has now made a decision for themselves (whether for weal or woe), it does not mean that they as parents have failed.

I have known third and fourth generation Adventist parents, some of them in ministry, come down hard and biting on the same issue of "house being in order", until their own kids have made bad choices. Then they suddenly remember that "all [will] sin and come short of God's glory". So what will you do now, disavow the girl and her unholy alliance?


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