I am dating a woman whose mother and niece lives with her, the house belongs to her and it has three bedrooms, plus a guest room. She works long hours and is heavily involved in church offices and activities. This greatly reduces the time we get to spend together, she has a guest room, bearing mind her mom lives with her would it be wrong to spend a weekend.
lol good question Jason what’s on my mind is stated in the post, spending time. When I began dating the woman I quickly realized she was a workaholic and spent a lot of time going to church related meeting, I only saw her on Wednesday nights and on Sabbath, naturally as a new relationship you want to spend as much time as you can, hence the question, which she thought was wrong , because she thinks its disrespectful to her mom and the neighbors will think something is going on. The mother doesn’t think is wrong at all and she has allowed male members of her family and a pastor and his friend to sleep in the guest room. Its not about sex, I have spent to years with a woman and did not sleep with her, even after I went to school in the US, with no one around who knew me, I never saw any wrong in spending time with the person in their home, when parents are present and have no issue with it.
Ian I hear what you are saying, let me share an experience with you, one sabbath a man asked me a question, such beautiful woman , don't tell me you not touching her, this was at church. Now if the brother can think this way, should I even be around her, should we even be dating since people will think we are having sex.If am doing nothing inappropriate, the whole church could stumble. I think this type of thinking prevalent among Adventist is nothing but foolish thinking. Jesus was accused of being friends with tax collectors and prostitutes.Did he stop speaking to them, wouldn't people stumble because of what they thought, don't you think that the brethren should be transform from by the renewing of their minds and stop attaching evil motives to people actions, judge not lest he be judged. Let people think and say what they will,any action I take if I follow your logic can cause brothers to stumble , so let the double minded and evil hypocrite stumble, I will not live my life worried what fools say, Jesus did not spend his time worried about all the evil motives they attached to his actions and I will not make my life Jail.
is it okay if she comes in your room while your praying, or reading? or better yet, is it okay if she comes in your room while you are sleeping? and you did say, this is her place correct? i really don't want to go this far with this, but if your both are experienced, do you think, satan doesn't know how to tempt neither one of you in tasting the apple? i'll let you figure this out charles, since you said--------spending time with her (jason's comments), thats all satan needs is time, time is something he is good at, spending time with the both of you together and with a little private time to go with it. and that is all that satan needed with eve, time to figure her out on how to tempt eve into eating a very juicy apple. an apple that God himself told them directly you must not eat of this fruit, the tree of life.
I was in the same situation charles, in her place, and i saw nothing wrong with her sitting down next to me, and then over time she ended up sitting on top of me. i really dont have to tell you will usually happens next. all i need to tell you is that we were both experienced. the interesting thing about this is, i just became adventist.
sir james at your service
Personally I dont think any thing is wrong with that.The problem is what will you be doing during that time? and where will you be....The devil knows our weekess and one simple act can lead to another...
I feel constrained to say this, the type of reasoning expressed by Sir James and the general thrust of the response lives me with little choice. This is the same petty religious garbage my girlfriend holds to which made her during a hurricane refuse her mother request for me to come spend the night with them, three women. This belief that if a man spends time with a woman alone they will have sex is foolish and down right just corrupt thinking. I don’t know about men like Sir James, but spending time with a woman has never made the devil pushed me into sex. The bible says men are tempted when lead away by lust. I have always had tremendous respect for woman and preserving my sisters in Christ purity or chastity. On many occasions when sexually active females in and out of the church as offered sex, I declined knowing that I wanted to be a Christian to them. My first girlfriend begged me to sleep with her and I didn’t. My first long term relationship lasted 2 years and part of the time I lives in a small Oklahoma city , where no one knew me and my church family lived miles away. I was attending college, my girlfriend as in collage miles away. We alternated spending weekends together alone and we never had sex, Satan didn’t undress me and force me to have sex. I have spent weeks at female friends home and my current girlfriend soon to be ex, spends time at my home alone or I am at her home alone when we don’t have sex, or get into petting. Why are modern Christians are so unbelievably corrupt that if some body says I went to spend time its sex, when I date a woman and she believes in waiting for marriage, sex goes out of my mind and honoring her vow to God takes first place and no devil can make me do what I have purpose in my heart not to do, abstaining is not some impossible thing , people who never attend church abstain. God is greater then the Satan and he give strength to deal with sexual lust. The question is it wrong to spend time with the woman and her family. Her mother is right there, not many Christians wants to have sex with their parents around. The avoidance of sex preaching has done very little to stop sex before marriage perhaps the don’t be alone with a woman or you will have sex, should focus on the fact that God is always present and that some people live each day knowing that weather they are alone or with someone else God I is there. When you have a relationship with God and want to do right by a woman, you will be able to spend days and months without trying to have sex. Stop attaching a sexual motive to every thing.
in do respect, thank you for talking upfront about your sexual desires and how well maintained you have kept your private part under control. at this point i see nothing wrong with you spending a weekend with your girlfriend and her family, however i still maintain the fact that you not spend the weekend with her, frequently, modesty aside, unless you have proposed to her and made it known that she is your fiance, that marriage is just around the corner, otherwise, you may end up being the talk of the town, with someone who may get jealous with your good intentions. satan stilll knows how to target you without undressing you, trust me he is alive a well, and he will go after the very elect in our church. I am glad God is greater in your life and that he gives you strength daily.
charles, i hope you didn't take it against me, giving you advise with what could go wrong, you sounded rather upset giving some advise on temptations, especially being pure and just, more blessings to you, if only there were more men like you, this church would be a better place for all the single ladies. im sure you will have more comments, on this thread, lets see what the other members have to say. in closing, you left with a sour note, saying "stop attaching a sexual motive to everything" , the men that were not well grounded with the Lord, like me, was giving you our personal opinion and the dangers of what could possibly go wrong. i come from the philippines, our culture is very strict about men sleeping over the weekend with their girlfriend, this is a no-no, not only will you be the talk of the town, but all hell will break out in your house.
you posted a discussion, we responded, take it or leave it.
I personally don't see anything a wrong with it!!!!!
am I right in saying you are both SDA?
So if your spending the weekend together...wouldn't that consist of Family Worship on friday night, then Sabbath Morning Breakfast together before then going to church for the rest of the day!!!
then I assume Sabbath night after church would be great time to hang out because I'm assuming now she would have to make the time to spend with you as it would look kinda bad and further more you have made the effort!!
What I would like to know is why we have to always think of something bad!?! we truly make Sin rule our HEADS!!!!
You are two Adults dating and once you have spoken about this issue I don't feel it will happen!! God needs to be the Soul Focus in the Relationship! yes we may get tempted but we are only Human and at the end of the day Nothing is Impossible for my GOD!!!!!!
Further more I feel the young lady needs to decides if she really wants to date too!!! In order for something like a Relationship to truly work you both have to put the effort and time into it or it won't work! she also needs to priorities her work load and commitments to church too!
Interesting I must say a Pastor preached about the same thing...that sometimes as sda's we kill ourselves by doing this and that in church just to please when many of us will be heading to hell if we are not careful because many of us are connected to the church family but not Connected to God....
Earnestly pray about it if this is troubling you...... and further more don't worry what others think! All our Lives we are constantly thinking what others think!!!!!! some people need to get a LIFE of there OWN and stop making their Sins of maybe their own past keep haunting them! LOL!
Do you really think that going and spending time at your girlfriend's house that yo are doing the right thing? Many people on this forum think it's OK. Instead of asking people's opinion on this forum; why you don't just fast pray and seek God's advice.Here is a description of a virtuous woman.
2. "Many daughters have done... nobly and well... but you excel them all." What a glowing description here recorded of this woman in private life, this "capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman" of Prov. 31! It means she had done more than Miriam, the one who led a nation's women in praise to God (Exod. 15:20, 21); Deborah, the patriotic military advisor (Judg. 4:4-10); Ruth, the woman of constancy (Ruth 1:16); Hannah, the ideal mother (I Sam. 1:20; 2:19); the Shunammite, the hospitable woman (II Kings 4:8-10); Huldah, the woman who revealed God's secret message to national leaders (II Kings 22:14); and even more than Queen Esther, the woman who risked sacrificing her life for her people (Esth. 4:16). In what way did she "excel them all"? In her spiritual and practical devotion to God, which permeated every area and relationship of her life. All seven of the Christian virtues (II Pet. 1:5) are there, like colored threads in a tapestry. Her secret, which is open to everyone, is the Holy Spirit's climax to the story, and to this book. In Prov. 31:30, it becomes clear that the "reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord," which is "the beginning (the chief and choice part) of Wisdom" (Prov. 9:10), is put forth as the true foundation for a life which is valued by God and her husband as "far above rubies or pearls" (Prov. 31:10).
Hmmmn what an interesting situation and there are many takes on the situation. When you break it down to a bare skeleton sharing the weekend with your girlfriend is NOT WRONG. However we need to consider if it is WISE? As christians we are called to a higher degree accountability that most. We have a responsibilty to be our brothers keeper and not to be a stumbling block. As you indicated your girlfriend is concern what people will think if you stayed over on the other hand people are already asking questions about your sexuality activities even though you have not been staying there, how much more would they be thinking you spent weekends there.
I would advise you from spending the weekend there simply because your girlfried is not comfortable with it and it could cause more harm than good. She knows why she is uncomfortable with it and regardless of youe well thought out reason why you are justified to stay there I would say leave it alone and make other arrangements as to hw you can spend more times together.
PS this is from a person who has spents weekends at girlfriends house who lived out of town.