Should Married Couples Merge Finances or Keep Them Separate?
Posing the same question in a discussion that is going on elsewhere:
"I am admittedly not married yet (it's coming *smile*) but I believe there needs to be BOTH: A joint account for household expenses and bills and some money that is non-discretionary. However, I do believe that the personal account should have an agreed amount monthly (some might call it an allowance) and not be secret. What say you?"
Please read the article before you post!
Tags: bank, bills, couple, man, marriage, money, woman
Views: 393
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by BLESSLY on -
Hi Sarah, thanks 4 bringing tat wonderful question. 2day many of them r wavering wit tat thought. The word of God says, A wise woman buildeth 'her' house (prov 14:1) building a house is nt meant wit bricks n stones but wit happiness, gud health,wit d touch of healing most of al wit d help of God. So i believe a woman can handle money more wisely tan men. If a house is built wel ter 'll b a gud understanding in spending n using d money weather d money is handled jointly or individually. Well dis is only my view i dont knw wat others feel....
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Permalink Reply by OSING on -
The point on this forum is the word "merge." In my personal experience as a husband, there used to be a time when I got my monthly pay from the mission office during the early months of our marriage. After several months, I then instructed my wife that during payday, she can withdraw my pay envelop, and this procedure had been followed until I retired from active denominational employment. Our finances had been very smooth, and the take home pay, which is not very much, had stretched from month to month, until the day of her death, which ended 43 years of marriage. I have never regretted that decision for her to get my pay envelope month after month. She had been a marvelous manager of our income, even when the time came when both of us were receiving monthly pay from the same institution. I'm sure God blessed our decision that our income should be merged together. I am convinced that the Lord intended it that way.
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Permalink Reply by 'nuff sed on -
In our house there has never been 'my money, your money' though both of us were employed. In retirement it still is 'our money' to be used as needed by either or both of us. However, if there is a Major purchase to be made we discuss it before making final decision. Seems to have worked for 'us' for the past 56 years. Nuff sed
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Permalink Reply by Gabriel Rodriguez de Espinoza on -
Wow, that is a great tip Nuff. I'll keep that in mind, Thanks!
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Permalink Reply by Ray Phillips on -
OSING
Sorry to hear of your loss. We only had 38 years together when her life was cut short. But, it was a 38 year honeymoon, and I have many happy memories as a result. It would have been 47 for us this year. We both can look forward to meeting our loved ones in the morning.
Maranatha :)
Ray
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Permalink Reply by Ray Phillips on
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Sarah
What? you do not seem to realize is that when a man marries a woman, that this rule applies:
"What is mine is mine and what is thine is mine."
So obviosly, all would go into one account. Right? ROFL
Actually, we are much closer to agreement than it would appear. I do believe that as a general rule, all funds go under the control of one of the partners. There are exceptions to this. E.g. when I had a business, there were two or more accounts. One or more for the businesses and one for the home. At this point, I am only speaking of the household account.
There may even be multiple household accounts. But, to prevent confusion, I'll not go into that here. No matter how many are involved, one should be in the lead position as to how the money is spent. However, both partners should have access to the account(s). But, if the one who is not in the lead makes an expenditure, the one who is in the lead should be told about it. This in not a case of control, but of control. G The one who is in the lead in finances needs to know that the money has been spent, not so that they can control the other party.
The counsel that I give is this. As a couple gets to know each other, it usually becomes quite obvious as to who is the better money manager.
- I suggest that they agree that that person, either the husband or the wife, take the prime responsibility for the finances.
That both the husband and the wife have, what you called an "allowance," or whatever other name might be used where they can spend money WITHOUT giving an account to the other party about it. This would be a very nominal amount. Just pocket change, no large amount. Of course, the finaces of the family will determine what is a reasonable figure would be.
If they have a monthy income of $500.00, then it might be that each person would only have $1. However, if they bring in $10,000.00 per month, than the allowance might be $100.00. This is just an example to illustrate the point, not a ratio. Whatever the amount might be, both should agree on it. - One aspect of this discussion must be how much charitable giving will be made. I strongly recommend that the tithe be taken out before any other expenditures are made. After all, the tithe does not belong to us, that belongs to God. See Malachi 3:8
However, we must remember that no one can outgive God. So, it has been my practice and recommendation that a person add an equal amount to the tithe; for offerings. Some may even want to give more, but that should be a decision that both parties agree on. One will be amazed how much further 80% will go when compared to 100%. I could tell many true stories of how God has seen us through the hard times when we returned our tithe and offereing first.
I'll succumb and tell one such story. When in college, one month we were so tight, financially, that we could only pay either our tithe and offerings, or pay our rent, but not both. We had taken out the tithe and offereings first, but we had not turned it in yet, as Sabbath had not come yet, when we realized that we were short. We talked it over and mutually agreed that we must not rob God, so we turned it in and told our Landlord we would be late that month. I know, that is not easy to do.
We were making preperations for a pathfinder campout, as both of us were leaders in the Pathfinder club. On the way to check things out, we had to stop at a gas station for a "rest stop." They were having an advertising promotion and we won $1,000.00 cash, not a gamble, just the 'luck of the draw." I have observed that while we were praying for $100.00 that God made a mistake and moved the decimal point over one place. While not quite so spectacular, we saw other answers to prayer that were just as obvious. NEVER rob from God. He may allow us to be tempted, but He will never fail us, if we are faithful on our part. - Neither party should ever make a major purchase without the approval of the other party. OF course, a woman might want to wave that restriction on her husband, if her husband is buying her a gift. LOL
This was a rule that my wife and I had. Even though I was in charge of the "purse" (I also had a minor in business administration and owned a couple of businesses, and she could not balance a checkbook) I still never, well almost never, made a major purchase without consulting her. The only exceptions was when I was 99.9% sure that she would approve and there was not an opportunity to talk it over with her. I think that happened once, maybe twice. - The subject of finances MUST be an open communication subject. While the husband may have income and the wife may have income, they are now "one flesh" and their finances also need to be the same way. Both need to set their own priorities aside and seek the good of the common, one flesh. If this is not acceptable, this needs to be worked out before marriage, not after.
- The opinion of both must carry equal weight in choosing what to spend money on. This is true even if only one party is bringing in an income. This is a joint venture and both parties must have equal impute. However, it is wise if the one who does not have good financial skills, will give more credit to the one who is better in such matters.
My wife was a nurse, and as I have said, I was trained in money management. So, all of our health choices were left to her and the money management was my department. Even in the few times when ALL of the family income was brought in by her. And I have counseled couples where the wife was the better money manger. In such a case, I recommend that the wife carry that responsibility. This is not a gender issue, but a money management issue.
These are a few guidelines that I have recommended to all who have come to me for counsel in this area. I hope that it will help the one who reads this. For I know that it works.
Maranatha :)
Ray - I suggest that they agree that that person, either the husband or the wife, take the prime responsibility for the finances.
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Permalink Reply by Alexander on -
I didn't read the article, but I like the idea you mentioned Sarah.
But, what happens when only one brings in money? Well, I still believe its best if both have money of their own.
God Bless, Alex.
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Permalink Reply by Quacinda Jodyne Topkok on -
Alex,
Agree, or the one without education and thus a good job may get a double BURN (in life); While married I suffered ABUSE and when I finally opted to leave suffered greatly FINANCIALLY.
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Permalink Reply by Kristina Pauly on -
@Quacinda
As a woman who has lost everything she owns and had to replace it all at least three times thanks to the man in my life at those times and having fully experienced exactly what you are talking about ( right down to the physical and emotional abuse for my x.) do not think it a good excuse for keeping things separate. In a worldly Godless relationship maybe but in a Christian marriage there is no cause to even consider such a thing unless of course you are bitter and jaded about how you were screwed over once before, which of course is a mindset completely opposed to the way God would have us think in the first place.
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Permalink Reply by Quacinda Jodyne Topkok on
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Yes, 'knee-jerk' responses are not good.
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Permalink Reply by Jonathan Goodman on -
Alex my wife although educated opted to stay home with our children when our firstborn came along. I have been the only one working for almost six years now. There is no such thing as "I bring in the money so I control it." My wife manages our money and does a great job. She is very thrifty and saves quite a bit. I don't allot a particular amount for her to enjoy. She simply lets me know about something she needs or occasionally wants and if we can spare it I never hesitate to say yes. It works very well and there is no resentment. Just to give my perspective on your question.
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Permalink Reply by Paul Macevle on -
I love this... Imagine with me if Abraham had his gold and sarah had her own. That would have been a disaster.
If a Man kills a lamb, the woman should cook it...
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