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The Pressure of Being Single (Especially on the month of February)

I don't know if you can relate with me, but I really hate it when Pastors/elders would talk to me, ask me why I'm single and would suggest a "good" christian guy they know. Or even in my family, since I am the only remaining single, they would pick up on me and ask, "When are you getting married?" 

Why is our world... or let's narrow it... even in our church, it seems that we want everyone to be married. Why is there a pressure being single? 

I'm almost 27, and to be honest, I also want to meet someone special someday. The one I will call, "God's best".. I just dont like being pressed on by the pressures of everyone expecting me to have someone already or be married in a year or two.

You get my point? Am I making sense?

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I don't want to take this off subject but I think there is more to idolatrous Catholic Priests problems than just remaining celibate and we should not compare it to commandment keeping Christians. The Old Testament has many examples of parents going to great lengths and expense to insure that their son was married to another believer and not to the heathen. The Old Testament also gives examples of the trouble caused by being married to the heathen.  Being married is one the greatest decision a person can make.  Wrong expectations and not fully understanding ones responsibilities to our spouse can cause a great deal of difficulty in life.  Being married to someone who does not fully love the Lord and is not a committed Christian is the greatest mistake a Christian can make.  I can tell you from experience it is far better to be single and committed to the Lord than married to a person who tries to pull you away from the God and church membership is not a good indication of whether someone is a true believer. Pray and plead with the Lord to find the right person and then stick to it and do as the Bible says. Kneeling down together in worship and praying with a spouse in unison is one of the greatest gifts of God.  Even greater than the marriage bed.

True Bart, as we know God has created us to be social beings where the basic building block i the family. To go against that basic instinct that God has planted in us is leaving us open to be influenced by the Devil.

The wisdom of taking a partner from our own faith is paramount anything else will lead to disaster for all parties involved,as I have seen and experienced myself.

I note the OP does admit that she one day would like to meet Mr right, so we can see the instinct is still there.

  

I look at the Gospels and I do not see Jesus extolling people to marry or how good families are.  On close examination of the Bible I see many examples of dysfunctional families and dysfunctional marriages. In fact Jesus say that our families will be like enemies to us. (Mat 10:34-36).  We are called to kneel at the cross as individuals. I have raised my family and I find it much more easy to serve Christ with out individual family members pulling me in 8 different directions.  EGW talks about the torture Jesus was put through by his family and that his friends Lazarus, Mary and Martha offered him refuge from the turmoil of his family.  Maybe I read this wrong, but I know that friends in church are often my refuge from my own family who do not like that I am now an SDA. 

As a man I look at the average female in the USA and I see for example the same philistine women that lead Israel astray, jewelry, nails, tight clothes and attitude. It is sacrilegious to speak this way at this time in our country because men are blamed for everything and women are held up as vitreous even though generally speaking they are not any more vitreous than men. Some times they are even worse.

   I am only speaking for my gender I am certain committed Christian women have the same issues but we should be honest.  Is following Jesus better when we have a spouse leading us astray, rebellious teenagers questioning every thing we do and demanding constant entertainment while at the same time living in a world that is designed to lead us astray.  These negative aspects of married life in a modern world should be prayerfully considered rather than some idealistic and hormonal driven and romantic idea of what marriage and family is about.   

Wow bart I think you are putting your finger right on the spot. and indeed i appreciate your honesty. Yes I wonder if any feminists will be reading this, because if they do you will have it with both barrels.

But God created us the way we are social beings with a urge to form a family. As far as I understand that was God's plan for us as God said:

Gen 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Sadly God's plan was ruined by Satan, so now the sinful nature comes into the ideal picture God had for mankind. And what we have left is the wreck that sin has made, and that is what we now need to deal with best we can. 

 

It is truly sad, for me it is a bitter pill. In my own life I am reduced to little more than a source of income because my beliefs and life style are disliked. I only post this personal revelation as a warning to the romantically idealistic. Even if your spouse is a believer they can fall away leaving you with a difficult life. Even though I have difficulty and sad regrets God sustains me and I remain a stubborn believer. Proverbs 25:24 , 27:15, 21:19 all say it is better to live in physically difficult conditions than live with contentious women. It is true, because when you are single yo have hope, and you can pray to God for the best spouse to be put in to your life. When you marry wrong, you are stuck and you have to be responsible even though your spouse is not. You could like Adam be led in to sin and a great fall. It is better to wait for many years on the Lord and have hope. Maybe Jesus would return soon and spare you the trouble of having a wife.

Lovesick sentimentalism, romance and castle building are spoken against in inspiration. It's all about saving souls, which means building yourself up to have a soul winning influence.  Dedicated to this, God has to take care of all your needs.

But, if people want to be helpful, let them.  Entertain the person.  It's a chance to witness.  Just let them know you're happy being single.  They will understand.

Wise words there Fhybz May God bless you. 

Hope you will take that advice very seriously

Ah yes, the "Nosy church member" syndrome. While it doesn't directly bother, it does get old pretty quick. I've heard the phrase "How is a good looking guy like you still single?" so many times that I almost robotically reply "Because I choose to remain single." One church lady seems to completely ignore my response and follow up with a "Well yes, but how can you be single? I know many who will have  you." I at that point have to remind her that I CHOOSE to remain single. Then go on a 5 minute explanation on why that is, and why any rebutal she has does not apply to me. Then the following sabbath she proceeds to ask me the questions again. 

Again it doesn't bother me too much, but it's getting old. I almost feel like printing out cards with my explanation and handing one out to her whenever she asks. xD 

I had this issue when I was younger. During that time I was sooo busy with college and my work. But now, I don't mind at all because they see me as a good person plus i'm successful and I will make her very happy.  I went through a horrific ordeal since 2013 so I'm strong enough to face any challenges that might come my way in a marriage.  My family and friends are very supportive so that gives me a lot of encouragement and i'm highly motivated to pursue that next step in my life.

Thank you for your insights in my post.. Your insights are all refreshing =)

@Rabbit , that "acting friendly and respectfully" despite the negative effects of their line of questions is the challenge , but must-do thing. hahaha. Especially when Im talking to older folks.

@Andrew, I like the canvas illustration u made.. That was nice. Indeed, In God's perfect timing.

@Stewart, yes try to find what God wants me to do while waiting.. Currently, I'm involved in children's ministry. The kids, bring joy to me.. Even giving me valentine card, and flower...God has ways of making us feel loved, even without yet that special person.

@Bart, yeah I would agree it is better to be single and be able to commune with God than in a marriage but miserable. 

@Elijah, I used to think that it is God's will for me to be alone and happy with Him, later i realized that there really is a need for a special someone. It is God Himself who put that need in my heart.

@Grey, Nosy church syndrome? hahaha.. Before I entered Law school, some Church members were worried that law school would prevent me from getting married. One even said, "So you have no plans at all to get married?".. And I was like," if that person will come, He will come even if Im in law school. Why are u so bothered for me?"lol

@Gab, maybe your mindset when you were young was God's way of preparing you to be a person prepared for that special one- the person that God prepared also for you.

3 years ago I asked in prayer for God not to show the person yet, until the time that I have already been furnished in character. But, I realized now that isn't it sweet if someone would come and accept me for who I am, despite of my weaknesses. Of course, the main goal is still to do God's will and be the person whom He wants me to be, but it's all interesting to meet someone who will see me refined through that process.

Again, In God's perfect timing.

I wish there was a like button here. Blessings MJ.

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