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What is your opinion on the Church disfellowshipping a member because of pregnancy outside of marriage?

From a personal standpoint, all of us have sinned and come short of the glory of God and to disfellowship a member because of pregnancy is throwing them back into the world instead of loving them and encouraging them in their spiritual life and recommitting themselves back to the Lord. Don't take me wrong, I am not encouraging the sin!!!

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N Him


Yes, that goes for each of us.  Which is why the communion service was instituted, to be a mini baptism, where we can renew our covenant with God.


Maranatha :)

This is exactly what Mercedez needs to do and has done ... wash feet and have her feet washed. Yes indeed. A mini re-baptism is needed. I think we have arrived at an agreement Praise God.
Hurt myself, the church and the man that fathered my child?? Ok, I am lost now. What have I done to hurt myself , the church and my companion?



First of all, from all I have read, I am assuming that this was a consensual act, not a rape situation.  So all of my comments are based on that understanding.


You asked:

"Hurt myself, the church and the man that fathered my child?? Ok, I am lost now. What have I done to hurt myself , the church and my companion?"
  1. Myself - Would you not feel much better if you did not have this situation on your life record?  Would your nagging conscience, regarding the choices you made, be silent if this had not happened?  You obviously committed a sin that God places a death sentence on.  See Exodus 20:3, 7, 14, 17  Isn't that a hurt to you?
  2. Has the church been honored by your action?  Can the church point other people to you as an example of the way every church member should act?  Do you feel no remorse at all for bringing a bad reputation to what a Christian should really be like?
  3. While I do not know just what the relationship is between you and the father of the child.  But unless you have married him, there is a very good chance that it is not the best.  If he is not in the child's life, then don't you think that he has been robbed of the joy you say you gain from the child as occuring in his life?  Do you not believe that he may just have some guilty feelings about what has happened too? 
  4. You said nothing about the hurt to the child.  Will it take it as an honor that it was born out of wedlock?  It will also loose out on the influence of a man in it's life, no matter what gender it is.  You have stolen a very important aspect of growing up.  You have stolen something from you child you can never replace.  That should also be a concern to you.

IF either of you are Christians, can you believe that the Holy Spirit has not brought conviction in regards to this deviation from the pattern that God has established for His people?  Can you honestly recommend that all of us should follow the path you have taken?


Maranatha :)




Myself- My daughter is the result of sin, yes. However, she is a blessing in disguise. The act was wrong, but I am a happier person with her in my life. You said I committed a sin that God placed a death sentence on? What is the meaning of Christ's death on the cross? I thought it was that we may have eternal life, correct me if I'm wrong.


The church- the church was dishonored for my actions yes, however like I said I took it up with God and I don't need to be a member of the church to enter into his Kingdom. I seek repentence with God. I partake with the communion and footwashing as a mini baptism, that is what he requires of us. What does the bible say about when we confess our sins? That he will forgive us right?


The father- I'm not gonna go into details, however I'll just state that her father is in our life and we are happy. I also was born out of wedlock, my parents got married when I was 4. I don't think the fact of my parents not being married when I was born has impacted my life.

You say I have stolen a very important aspect of growing up, I have stolen something from my child I can never replace. My question is what is that something? The 3 of us are all in each other lives and we are happy.


You might be talking out of personal experience and the hurt from what your wife did to you but this is not the same case.


I am not recommending anyone to follow the path I have taken, but what is done is already done. I've taken it up with God and we love our daughter dearly.



You asked and I responded to this question.

"What have I done to hurt myself , the church and my companion?"

What I was addressing was how such an action can and does hurt others as well as oneself.  You mentioned about my being hurt becasue of my ex's behavior.  I'll not deny that for a second.  However, I have also counseled and observed a number of other like situations and seen the damage that has come from such activities.  So, I am speaking from a much broader area of observation than just my own experiences.  


The one who is actually hurt the worst is the prime individual, in this case, yourself.  Since you were born out of wedlock, the way you have been treated seems to you to be the norm.  However, it is not really the norm.  It is only normal for what you have experienced.  So, in just that one statement you have demonstrated the damage that is done to not only the parent, but also the child, by giving it a compromised frame of reference by which to judge what is normal and what is according to God's plan. 


You speak of the three of you being happy.  There is a city here in the USA called Las Vegas, Nevada.  A major gambling town where everything goes.  Some would say that is a very happy town.  Wine, women and song in abundance.  However, I have lived in that sinful city, not for very long I might add, and I have seen that "happiness."  If that is happiness, please rescue me from it.  For I have experienced happiness that far exceeds anything Vegas can offer.  The sorrow of a Christian is more to be sought than that kind of "happiness."


This is what Jesus invites us to do: come up to HIS kind of happiness.  Oh, yes, the world and the ways of the world offer a counterfeit product that is labeled as happiness.  But, the happiness the world offers is only for the moment, there is always a "morning after the night before." 


A girl that I had the opporutnity to watch was so determined to have things her way that she would do all she could to destroy anyone who stood in her way of having things her way.  Today she has few if any friends.  Her family has backed away from her, while priviously they had supported her.  Now, she is approaching 50 and her children hate her, she has had more "husbands" then anyone can count.  Oh, she has gotten her way, but the wreckage she has left behind in the lives of others, as well as herself, is monumental. Some people do not even want to hear her name mentioned.  Yes, she thought she was happy, but the end result is death. 


When the Holy Spirit comes, He does not promise happiness at first.  No, He comes to bring to us the conviction of sin.  He comes to show us a better way of life then what we have become "happy" with.  When we turn our lives over to Him and allow Him to make us good, then we will find happiness/joy forever more.  IT is not a happiness that will fade or haunt us in our quiet moments.  2 Cor 7:10


It is a good first step to not advise anyone else to follow the path you have taken,  For that you are to be commeded.  Yes, what is done is done and it is not wise to cry over spilt milk, there is enough water in it already. 


God is truely the primary one we need to seek forgiveness from.  However, we also must allow God to change our lives too and not continue to live in a life style that is not pleasing to him.  To continue to live in such an arrangment shows that we really have not seen the enormity of our guilt and therefore, God cannot forgive us.  Forgiveness only comes when we turn away from that life style in His strength.  Then we will have the peace that forgiveness brings with it.


The church is often the target for blame, and at times it is blameworthy.  Just like a  hospital.  Many, many people die in a hospital.  Yet, people still go there when they are sick and need help.


Likewise, many people die in and/or missrun the church too.  However, it is still the place for sin sick people to come to, to find healing.  So, if it is healing you seek, then the church is the best game in town.  However, if it is justification for your choices that you seek, the bar seems, from what I have been told, the best place to go.  A place were people compare their problems and find any and everything else they can find to blame for their own choices.  (It's of interest that people seldom talk about how bad people are in a bar, but like to talk about how bad people are in church.  Hmmmm.  There just might be a moral in that somewhere.) 


Remember the Bible says this.

    "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  1 John 1:9 (ESV) 

"Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; In Thy presence is fulness of joy; In Thy right hand there are pleasures forever." Psalms 16:11 NASB

However, before we can find that everlasting joy/happiness, we must honestly confess our sins, our desires to do things our way, and, and only then, can we find the joy God offeres that has no end.


Maranatha :)




The way I have been treated since I have been born out of wedlock is the same I would've been treated if I was born in wedlock. Who are you to judge? Do you know my circumstances as a child? I have been born to loving parents, they treated us all with love and we were happy kids and let me add that they are still married. The damage that you are talking about I have never known. You mentioned to not continue to live in a lifestyle that is not pleasing to God.  I said we are happy, did I mention my living arrangement? To my knowledge, I did not but if you so want to know the answer is no, I am not living with him. I have never lived with him. Circumstances (work related) are that we temporarily don't even live in the same country but we use modern technology to interact with each other on a daily basis and is also important for our daughter to have contact with her father.Today I have my daughter as a result of sin, but I love her nonetheless. Can't I be happy for her in my life? You comparing my happiness with that of Nevada is very sickening. Therefore, I think this will be my last response to your posts.

Mercedez ... I am very sorry for how you are being treated by some of the posters here. So sorry. Please know that the majority of Seventh day Adventist would love and accept you and your daughter. Conservatism can be very cold and calulating. Just ignore it.


I am so happy to hear of your life and how you are raising your daughter. Praise God. You have gone through much abuse by the church and yet you stand tall. This is a real example to many.


God bless you Mercedez.

If we leave pple to do watever they want in church there wont be any need for us to congregate and talk of the 10 commandments.  One way or the other pple have to face their fate.  In old times there was instead justice of death bt now the only way to discipline is disfellowship and then when you come back you will know how it is to be left out.  Im not holier than thou bt we need order in church.  Hope you will understand wat im trying to say. 


Be blessed.

Are you serious? The only way to discipline is disfellowship? From what bible are you reading this? No one left her to do as she pleased. People make mistakes and unless they continue in that direction there is no reason to discipline at all. From everything that I read on this post she repented for what she did and is not still doing it. How many people who stand in judgement of others have secret sins that are far worse than the public? And if christ had that same attitude he would have left us to our "fate". Instead he took our fate for himself so we don't have to.
I tend to agree to disagree with you dear.  Bt what is the solution to all these issues then if disfellowship is not right.  I did not say there is any verse in the bible bt dont forget that for any organisation to be successful there is a constitution. Help me in this one.  I have said my opinion bt wat do you think can be a solution to the problem of sin.
You raise a good point. I will not use my opinion but the actions of Jesus himself. When presented with the woman caught in adultery, instead of condemning he he said: "go and sin no more". That is what should be done except for the most agreegious crimes where the person refuses to repent.


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