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Why do I see so many SDA marriages fail when they are professed to be a match made-in heaven? When they have done everything right before getting married - like (not to have sex before marriage, reading Christian marriage books, studying each others character, doing their research, going to pre-marital counselling etc)? - Why do SDA couples who are supposed to have it 'figured out' end up either in a dead marriage - separation - divorce?


I have read quite a lot of Christian marriage books (that my parents bought from camp meeting) and they teach all these things....But I want to know what is your opinion .. Why do you think Matt 5:32 & Hebrew 13:4 is ignored when it comes to different situations in marriage? Have we forgotten that we are not battling against the flesh but forces of darkness? Has it got to do with our spiritual commitment with God? 


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Florance Manji there are like 1000 forums or threads here which deals with Divorce . you might want to check them out
Good thinking, considerations, questions.
I hope to see some good replies..
I'm on break at work but would like to co e back later and add some thoughts.
I am back, my days are full of work, and I hardly find time to give any thoughtful comment or reply; but today is Sabbath, so have plentynof time.. :-)

One of the first things that came to my mind is that now that we are a generation of people that live in a world that knows good and evil, random bad things happen.  And will continue to happen until Jesus comes.  

The Good Book of Ecclesiastes is full of statements about how unfair life is. (to name a few: Ecc. 7:15; 8:9,10, 14). Ess. 9:11 &12 say this, "11 I saw something else under the sun. The race isn’t {won} by fast runners, or the battle by heroes. Wise people don’t necessarily have food. Intelligent people don’t necessarily have riches, and skilled people don’t necessarily receive special treatment. But time and unpredictable events overtake all of them. 12 No one knows when his time will come. Like fish that are caught in a cruel net or birds caught in a snare, humans are trapped by a disaster when it suddenly strikes them."

The story of Adam and Eve and their two boys are a good example of how wrong a family relation can turn out.  Do you think that the first parents who had communed with their Creator, had walked and talked with Him were clueless about parenting and setting a good example for their children? I don't, I think they had the best advantage, yet one son killed the other; and not only THAT, the good son was the one who died, and the parents suffered the LOSS, can you imagine the grief this caused these parents?  

The same principle is true between spouses, one can go wrong and turn out bad.  

I appreciate your insight, Florence, yes, we often fight and try to reason with the human mind, forgetting to include holy Inelegance; and not only that but there is evil intelligence at work all the time in human relations.  And yes, 'something' can get in the way of being pure and living righteous.  The Devil is throwing his silent darts.

It seems that some of us Christians try to create the perfect relationships and perfect environment.  Which is GOOD, but it doesn't always work out well. And [I'd say many times, we attemp this wrongly].  As it says in Ecc. 7:16-18 16 "Don't be too virtuous, and don't be too wise. Why make yourself miserable? 17 Don't be too wicked, and don't be a fool. Why should you die before your time is up? 18 It's good to hold on to the one and not let go of the other, because the one who fears God will be able to avoid both extremes."

And chapter 11 advises us to live boldly, without fear.  I recommend you read it with that point in mind, and maybe read it from a good, modern translation.  Chapter 12 also gives a good conclusion, to remember our Creator while we are young.  I will paste it here.  Actually it begins in Chapter 11 starting with verse 7.  

Ecclesiastes 11:7-10
7 Light is sweet, and it is good for one's eyes to see the sun. 8 Even though people may live for many years, they should enjoy every one of them. But they should also remember there will be many dark days. Everything that is coming is pointless. 9 You young people should enjoy yourselves while you're young. You should let your hearts make you happy when you're young. Follow wherever your heart leads you and whatever your eyes see. But realize that God will make you give an account for all these things when he judges everyone. 10 Get rid of what troubles you or wears down your body, because childhood and youth are pointless.
Ecclesiastes 12:1-14
1 Remember your Creator when you are young,
before the days of trouble come
and the years catch up with you.
They will make you say,
“I have found no pleasure in them.”
2 Remember your Creator before the sun, the light, the moon,
and the stars turn dark, {and} the clouds come back with rain.
3 Remember your Creator when those who guard the house tremble,
strong men are stooped over,
the women at the mill stop grinding
because there are so few of them,
{and} those who look out of the windows
see a dim light.
4 Remember your Creator when the doors to the street are closed,
the sound of the mill is muffled,
you are startled at the sound of a bird,
{and} those who sing songs become quiet.
5 Remember your Creator when someone is afraid of heights
and of dangers along the road,
the almond tree blossoms,
the grasshopper drags itself along,
{and} the caper bush has {no} fruit.
Mortals go to their eternal rest, and mourners go out in the streets.
6 Remember your Creator before the silver cord is snapped,
the golden bowl is broken,
the pitcher is smashed near the spring,
and the water wheel is broken at the cistern.
7 Then the dust {of mortals} goes back to the ground as it was before,
and the breath of life goes back to God who gave it.
8 “Absolutely pointless!” says the spokesman. “Everything is pointless!”
Lifelong Duty¾Fear God and Keep His Commands

(Lifelong duty - [to] fear God and keep [to] His Guidelines)
9 Besides being wise, the spokesman also taught the people what he knew. He very carefully thought about it, studied it, and arranged it in many proverbs. 10 The spokesman tried to find just the right words. He wrote the words of truth very carefully.
11 Words from wise people are like spurs. Their collected sayings are like nails that have been driven in firmly. They come from one shepherd. 12 Be warned, my children, against anything more than these. People never stop writing books. Too much studying will wear out your body. 13 After having heard it all, this is the conclusion: Fear God, and keep his commands, because this applies to everyone. 14 God will certainly judge everything that is done. This includes every secret thing, whether it is good or bad.

Sorry, I can get carried away.
I am of the opinion that anyone, in any marriage, is susceptable to becoming self driven.. We let the guard down with satan, and begin to consider ourselves.. It IS hard to remain focused on others.. We worry about how maybe since we are not focused on us, maybe we are being neglected and dont even know it!!... Really, though, I believe self is the culprit that claims all the lost..

The Devil hates to see a Christian family.  Regardless of one's denomination or faith, you are not exempt.We lose focus on putting/keeping God between the husband and wife.  We get distracted and focus on self. Our eyes have been turn away from Jesus. I beleive all marriages have hope of reconcilation but pride prevents that from happening.  Its only until after the fact that one realizes divorce was the wrong choice but sadly by that time its too late.



HI FLORENCE  YES    marriages are under attack by forces we cant see and many times more than u or I  are willing to admit we help them by wanting our own way and not fully listening to the needs of our mate.

  many times  self that was once surrendered or at least thought to have been rises up its head again and says I want this I have to have this and what u want does not matter. jason why did u not just give a answer  that u know  of? .

   Florence  is it possible that we  harden our heart  and shut off our emotions when something we do not want  is brought to our attention ..  CAN a wife can a husband choose not to , for whatever reason they think to themselves is important ,show their love by their actions .. have we become so absorbed in what we think is important that love which is showed by our actions is left on the back burner to simmer or to die out maybe? . are we to bz talking about love we do not actually show it to the one that is most important in our human life then?.

 I when i get the chance   like to listen to radio broadcasts dealing with love and marriage and  i assimilate  what  Ihear better than what I just read ..  Are we too proud to ask our mate what makes them happy and will they be too proud or stubborn to admit they like  a particular way of doing things and by this manner we learn more about each others love language?/

 IS  not loving opening up to another and letting their inner self be known?    WHEN U SAY   I  do did u actually mean I wont  or maybe if i feel like it ?


I am saddened to have read this topic but Im eager to share my opinions, too, as one of my cousins' marriage ended all too soon , when theyre even both Adventists.


   Yes,and no one can ever think that it would happen to them. Theyve been on for at least 7 yrs.To be with someone for such a long time,is really something.

    I think that prophecies are slowly fulfilled. Its written (in the bible). Something like "people will get into marriage, and then later giving up on marriage". Marriage now is not treated seriously. It has become a trend. As a Finnish friend told me that in their country, its "why not get married when you can divorce".

   I have more to tell you...but next time... I have to run some errands at the moment.

Looking forward to reading more from you..

ok, im back.


   I hate to continue this as I, myself, am not yet married. And I dont wish to get married just to end up divorced later in life.-heheh. But I dont believe that every good opinion comes from experience. . I mean, look at the obgyne. Theyre very good at taking care of pregnant people (what to do),but these obgynies are not pregnant.Theyre very good in pregnancy thing because they study this kind of field.I hope you get what I mean

THE QUESTION IS "WHY", but my answers are not "BECAUSE", but I hope you see the sense I try to...u know... (blink blink)

 But anyway, Im still alive (God gave me this another day to live. I believe someone needs me--heheh LOL!_)


   I think people are right when they say "when in love, it should be felt in the heart & shaken by the mind".

 -It means we be CAREFUL .If someone loves you,find out how he/she really spells ILOVEYOU; try to get to know this person, his/her family,his God (what kind), his/her music,and dont be in a hurry to get married. Never even think about it if not SURE. .

Love is not Blind and should not be blind if youre not yet married .Meaning  if your gf or bf shows something inappropriate or strange or not in accordance to your "moral" standards, KICK HIM/HER in the butt at once!!! lol! Never ever cover her/his faults in front of your family.THIS IS ONE OF THE MAIN FACTORS THAT I Saw AT MY COUSIN'S now BROKEN MARRIAGE (When a person is inlove,he/she tends to choose this person over his/her family (AND OH, before I forget: NEVER EVER EXCHANGE YOUR FAMILY FOR JUST 1 PERSON..LADIES & GENTLEMEN --our MOTHERS(fathers too-heh),i mean, PARENTS(this includes grandmas & grandpas) always knows whats best ! (as written in the bible,"the greatest education a man could get is being under the feet of the elders) --eheheh. In other words, dont be secretive,seek advice from older people.

But once you get married--- I think itll be the time,to act blind (sometimes) & deaf (sometimes,too--heheh) just to save "the marriage" (for the sake of the "family":, esp the CHILDREN)


   Hehehe, can somebody tell me Im just being silly? MMMM< I feel like sharing all the time .SMILE!




I see some good thinking and reasoning [thru things], you seem to be on the right track, your mind is working good, and you're not bei g silly. Maybe you FEEL silly, but I thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

I'd encourage you to keep an open mind, keep looking for the Guiding Principles, and the Spirit will help you keep balance in any given situation in life.


 QUACINDA REPLIED  VERY WELL OK?  lets get some information form one that has been divorced and been through hell and back possibly  persay.  Are their not some adventist  that even born into a  adventist family and  are disfunctional to say the  least?   let me touch on something that is real here ok?

  Are not many that born into the adventist faith about the same as  those in Christs days  thinking to themselves they just fine ? Do they not also have a persona of respectability and godliness too?    You can have daily evening and morning worship and do this every day  for 30 years or longer and how much of this  is a tradition u become accustomed to doing? , 

   Their are those that    recite the morning watch n pray to the lord faithfully  and keep the SABBTAH HOLY  but when it comes down  to obeying the spirit of the law their  u fail miserably and  your dress is like the world your music too is like the world  and when it comes to  obediance in full like when diet is concerned  or even the manner in which u dress or dont dress in some cases noone  can reach u without a fight

IS this delusional  for the Pharisees them selves the religious  rulers paid tithe on everything the y recieved  even spices  and yet when pointed out truths they refused t o see   it  brought murder  to their hearts too.. 

 tell me then cant heir not be both Good AN  the evil in many hearts and that which is actually surrendered , meaning in my mind when something u have noot fully seen is brought up  u  do not say  , oh it  not important , will it not cause u discomfort to continue in the same manner? .

 I neve r ever  will say I have been perfected   or when i hear a truth    i say it not important..  It MAY TAKE SOME TIME AND I may have to go back again and again over the same ground before i accept it fully  but I DO NOT WANT TO fail God continuously  knowing  i AM WRONG.

 I do not want to be so proud  I can not say I am sorry forgive me and show it by what i  do..

 COME ON now if u stepping on my foot and  u say i am sorry it ok   but if u continue to step on my foot and i ask u please your hurting me what must  you do to show your sorrow?  , , ARE U KNOWINGLY causing pain to your wife   are u knowingly causing your husband pain by your action or inaction  and when they bring it up  will u continue to make excuses  for doing so? .  If  it causes the tears to come running down their cheek will it make a difference or will u harden your hard and say,, ;;  it does not matter?


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