Aspiring Family

a friend of mine shared the following story. I do not know its authenticity exactly but what i can say is that these happen in marriages but they need not to happen. Read it and learn the lessons. Do what you can to avoid, and enjoy each moment with thanksgiving to the Lord and with forgiveness in heart. If God can forgive the world, we can forgive each other. There is nothing too great that we cannot forgive! Enjoy the reading.

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Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking
Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years
with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young.Mother
endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to
provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say
that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of
a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a
balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some
greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up
and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me
down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I
love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at
any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument
and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his
head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to
this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For
example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room,
she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young
people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the
flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house,our mood will
also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and
hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get
use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever came
home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her
and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I
come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how
much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset
about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You
little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve
it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast.
In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the
wife? Atthe breakfast table, mother facial ___expression is always like
the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to
notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as
her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace
and is exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give
up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my
bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon
her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all
kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and
that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags;
she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes
and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again. One
day,late at night, mother saw m e quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she
slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed
in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that

entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child,tried acting cute,but he
totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby
stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't
possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"

After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me
and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the
house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to
who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare
breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast
without any prompting. At the break fast table, mother would
look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding
stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the
embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on
my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is
it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you
chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone
in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some
time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am
left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a
sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up
my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I
threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything
out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling
very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom
doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but
no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it. We had our very
first big fight that day; mother took a look at us,then stood up and
slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final
stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.

For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so
furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting
up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having
the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food,coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at t hen low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and see a doctor."

The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I
threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that
otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through
this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?

At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been
three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave,
but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out
to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended
that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut
right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment,
I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby:
"Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me
round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in
the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even
withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking
about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the
corner of them blanket.

That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up.I switched on the
lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was
removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the
bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really
intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love
and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting
streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a
good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me
a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now
in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital
and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did
not look at me, his face was expressionless.

I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the
tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the
funeral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional
disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the
accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she
walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to
her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried
to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus
came and hit her...

I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up
that morning, if we had not quarreled, if...In his heart, I am
indirectly the killer of his mother. Hubby moved into mother's room and
came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am
buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to
explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon,
but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at
the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real
hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events
happening had been my fault at all.

M any days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby
came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were
living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the
dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window,
I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very
lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After
recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood
in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have
nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby
stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,
challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as
if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood
that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.

That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to
indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each
other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned
home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched
he had returned to take some of his stuff. no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.

I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again
and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife
through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to
consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on
having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing
her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole
house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there
was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking
at it.

In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find
peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said:
"You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his
eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself
"You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused
to let tears come out from there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I
smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards
me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and
pushed the paper to him. LD, you are pregnant?"

Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could
not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said:
"Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat,
facing each other.

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart,
everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could
never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to
me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him,but now I can't.

In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his
eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in
each others heart. For me, its unintentional; for him, totally
intentional.

I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now,
what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.
Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth
to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him.

From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had
vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom,but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep
in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of
groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever
I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what
is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh.
He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because
there is love, but now, what is there between us?

Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was
born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant
products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and
bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying
to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions.
He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can
hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to
web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late
night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came
rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been
waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs,
stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off
my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached
the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on
the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my
mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes
caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.

Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son, and me, his eyes
tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his
hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the
floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening
that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear
for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting
through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was
already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to
last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had
cancer? Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying:
"Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room
and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's
cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had
thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote
for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a
look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in
your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only
can a ccompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be.
But daddy now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all
the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during
your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's
suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I
feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest,
daddy is very happy. Do love your mother,he has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."

From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work
and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small
was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:

"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I
have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I
want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...
My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven
me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm
afraid I ? can not give them to our son personally, could you help me to
give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are
all written on the packaging..."

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over
and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I
want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."

He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in
his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the
button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as
tears slowly rolled down my face...



THE END..

"It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one
you love because of pride".

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this world
is gone forever. This is a true story, taken from "Family"

(dictated by LD, edited by LSX, translated by SaFe).
Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps
to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.