WHATS our PROBLEM
why are we still single , brothers & sister we are here as single ready to mingle and to meet other ,what are we doing wrong ,,,,,,,,,,, WHY ????????
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Permalink Reply by tanz on -
Well all I can say is I am letting God chose for me and I am not falling for anyone until I know it is God's doing. God will lead me to the right person at the right time if and only if he wants me to be with someone. If he does then he has a reason but for now I will stay single for that is where he would rather have me be for now. It is all in God's hand and I dearn't move until he tells me too.
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Permalink Reply by Advent Book Club on -
Come Sisters,
You know why most of you are still single, for those who don't know let me remind you that God looks at the inside but we human look at the outside.
You all don't want what God says is best for you, you want Barack Obama when God says otherwise.
don't think I am saying out ward apperance is not important, what I am saying is that we are to allow God to do the choosing and not us.
Sadly most Seventh day Adventist Ladies are not humble at all, some of you rather date outside the church which is displeasing to God rather than to be with a poor brother who has no degree. - Attachments:
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Permalink Reply by Eve on -
Brother I find your beginning a bit insulting...you are saying of at least I feel you are saying that Beauty is a problem here for MOST of us??? "You know why most of you are still single, for those who don't know let me remind you that God looks at the inside but we human look at the outside". I think that if I am going to be with someone because he feels I am beautiful he needs to walk the other way, beauty comes and goes and I am sure we all want what is best for us. We may not have the patience to wait for it to come our way, and that is where we go wrong.
I do feel we need to be selective to a certain degree, not physically only but spiritually, and we need to be selective in the skills this person will have at solving problems in order to make it in the long run. As far as the degree goes, I will tell speak for me. I have a masters degree that I worked extremely hard for, and I will be very honest, I don't think I will marry someone who does not a degree. But that is because I have one, I sacrificed myself for many years to have a better life for me and my child, I want the person I marry to help me in achieving my personal goals and I want us to set new goals. I do not like where I live, I want my little girl to go to an Adventist academy I cannot provide my child with that if I don't find someone who will bring at least as much as I do to the household income. Maybe there are some men who will not understand it, but I believe that we have a right to be selective. I am sure that there is a man out there who wants to strive for a better life, and I don't mean riches but at least where I live, I can barely make ends meet on my salary.
I think that God has created someone for everyone, I want to move out of where I live and I want someone who will work with me in achieving that. I don't want my little girl to suffer because i cannot buy her what she needs. Maybe to some I am being vain, but I truly feel God knows the heart, he understands our needs, desires, and he will provide me with the man I desire.
I am not asking for a millionaire, not a wealthy man, just someone who has an education and will provide me the stability I desire aside from being so in love with God that we can have a good life. And I do have a list, and I will share it:
1. Love God above anyone/anything else.
2.Go to church with me all the time.
3. will sit next to me during service
4.Will be eager to participate in the clubs with me
5.will be honest, FAITHFUL, man of good character
6.will love my daughter as his own and help me raise her in the Adventist faith
7. Will be SDA from the heart not tradition
8. Will help me grow spiritually
9. Will study the lesson with me and My little one
10. Someone who will LOVE me for me, my mistakes, my silliness, my good aspects and the bad as well
11. will have some type of economic stability.
As you can see I have a list, but my list does not say handsome, model looking, drop dead gorgeous Wealthy man; But nevertheless I do have my list, and I know God will provide for me. I do not close myself to the possibility that I might marry someone who wanted to study but for reasons beyond his control was unable and if God says he is for me than he is for me.
But there are many reasons why people remain single, I don't know how long I will be single once my divorce goes through and is finalized but when I look back and think about my marriage I am glad it ended. God was not present in our lives and that is where we went wrong. So to all of us here who have never been married, do not despair there is someone special for each and everyone of us as long as we have faith and most of all, let God do the choosing.
And saying he is SDA does not mean he is chosen by GOd, we may still settle, we may feel the biological clock ticking and settle for the first man that comes around our way but if he is not the one God has selected we will be unhappy. -
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Permalink Reply by Cherylann Johnson on -
I like your honesty and direct frankness Evelyn and do agree with your opinion.
I find that men judge women harshly because they are still single after a certain age but I believe the same way men can be selective so can I as a woman.
I have been in relationships and have seen qualities in men that I cannot live with for the rest of my life. Men are very selective and most of the time does not vere from their choice of a wife.
Thanks for your opionions Evelyn & Mr. Culporter I also appreciate your opinion as well but please do not be so harsh in your thinking because although some women might be like that not all of us are.
Also I could go as far as saying that you men are the same way. You like having 'beautiful, well propotioned, long hair women' at your side.....lets not judge each other.
Have a happy Sabbath all... -
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Permalink Reply by Barbara on -
Did God say that it is displeasing to be with someone outside of the SDA Church, or that one should not be yoked with "unbelievers".
Also the Lord speaks about when one partner is sanctified and one is not.
What I have found with some SDA women is that same attitude.
The hold on the finding an adventist man, preferable an Elder or better yet Pastor.
Look at the longevity of marriage, the hidden abuse suffered, the infidelity rate.
In the meantime, who are we to say where it applies to others that they should or should not date outside of the SDA Faith?
In regard to Humility, a woman does not have to become a lesser person in character, just to attract a husband. Humility before God is the more beautiful thing. -
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Permalink Reply by Cherylann Johnson on
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We are still single because God is still working on us. I believe that there are some people who are blessed with the gift of singleness. Pleople who can remiain single and be a blessing to others....I also believe as I said earlier that God is still working on us and is preparing us and our intended for each other....
Enjoy your singleness and stand fast and see God working for you in that area. Also prepare a list of the qualities you are looking for and write them in a letter to God and if you're wrting the qualiteis that you are looking for check yourself to see if you compliment those qualities in any way and then ask God to work on them for you.. You will be surprised at what can happen.
i am still single and at times it really gets to me but then I realise that Mr. man for CJ is still being prepared for me...It will take a real speacil man to be with me....as with a lto of us women so be patient..
Nothing is wrong with you.....you are just being mad stronger for your MAN.....I hope that is of some help to you.
You are doint nothing wrong that is what the Devil will have you to believe but you are doing nothing wrong...not if you are waiting on God. -
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Permalink Reply by Cherylann Johnson on
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Concerned Christian I beg to differ to your answer, not all women are single because of your answer but I must admit that women of our faith do date outside the faith but most men (from my expereince and what I see) look at na woman's features and physical appearances to make their choices, I hear men speak about the size and beauty of the woman they want as life partners...when I ask about other stuff ...like maturity, loyalty responsiblility and all the rather important things to me...I usually hear "oh yeah that too". I have realised that a woman's career, phsical appearance and AGE has a lot to do with her being single....yes i said that and make no apologies.
A lot of us have to let God work on us. I take it that you are a male from the way you spoke (correct me if I am wrong) and that you are a male who has been hurt like all of us in this group. Please do not judge all women that way. If I for one was like that I would've been married a long time ago. -
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Permalink Reply by Joseph on -
OK, some are single for various reasons:
- Hurt Some were severely hurt in previous relationships and ended up reserving themselves, they fear to love again, so they threw the whole weight on God to decide and bring the perfect Obama which is by the way wrong, one has to have a bright future and step out and start hunting in faith coupled with prayer and fasting and when you catch don't stop praying but continue and persist in prayer.
- Circumstances Many are faced by problems and they feel that they can't get a person because may be they feel they are old, or they can't compete with the young generation. Here again they are wrong, there are many people who are looking for mature women, serious mature women.
- Lists Now the lists have made many to stay single, I want a woman who has a college degree, who is yummy, with this and that. And the guys I want an extremely hot lady with no kids etc. Those lists have limited both sides and in the end our future partners just pass.
- Faithfulness There's a group who are still single because they are faithful. There are some women I have spoken to and they have been asked out by many men, but the fact is that these men by the way church men, first want to taste goods before they are taken off the shelf, so the faithful ones say no, and for sure they take long to go off the shelf. So those kind of guys stay single because they can be satisfied from other ladies in or out of the church.
- Players There are those who are still single because they are players, they can date more than a zillion people at the same time and they are of the kind who have lists and lists, when they find out he/she has no this and that they drop.
- True They are those who are single because they are true and honest, and it's their resolution they are going to be single the whole of their lives.
- Self Gratification I have made this to be last, because It's not the least but it's a huge issue and the center of debate in different christian circles. There's that group whereby they are single because they can satisfy themselves. They freely masturbate and get all the pleasure they can get with use of today's technology including artificial sexual organs. This leads them to have no desire for members of opposite sex.
This type they are financially stable, educated with a zillion of degrees some are PhD holders! So they use these gadgets freely and once in a while can also fall into the above points.
Sincerely speaking unless a lady is 45+ but as far as I know ladies hit their peak between 30-40 years of age and if someone isn't masturbating or something then they'll burn with passion and that burning with passion will lead them to search, hunt for a life partner. Yeah the burning with passion isn't for free it's like mechanism telling you it is the time to marry. The same applies to men.
May the good Lord richly bless us, immeasurably more than we can ask, think or imagine and may he supply all our needs through Christ Jesus and may all people say...
- Hurt Some were severely hurt in previous relationships and ended up reserving themselves, they fear to love again, so they threw the whole weight on God to decide and bring the perfect Obama which is by the way wrong, one has to have a bright future and step out and start hunting in faith coupled with prayer and fasting and when you catch don't stop praying but continue and persist in prayer.
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Permalink Reply by Marci Wright on -
I don't know about anyone else in the Mature Singles - Single & Cool With It group, but I am single because it suits me. I have been married. I have had a prolific dating life. Today, I find joy in the strong relationships with family, church, and work that God has inspired me to form. Rather than bemoaning why we are single, why not celebrate and enumerate the benefits? I love setting my thermostat to the temperature that is just right for me and there is no one to gainsay or countermand my choice. Isn't that a blessing? At the end of each work day, I decide whether I will dine out or eat a quiet meal at home based simply on my pantry, my pocketbook, and my whim. My niece recently asked me, "Are you for real that you are okay being on your own?" I smiled and told her yes. But to paraphrase the apostle Paul, it doesn't appear that there are many like me. If you are longing for a romantic relationship with another single, go for it. As for me, at this time in my life, the price (loss of autonomy) is too high.
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Permalink Reply by Kathleen E.F. on -
This sounds so painful! I just want you to know that I'm praying for you. I hope God makes all your best and greatest dreams come true, and I'm even sure He will in the long run! I know that as we look back in heaven we will find He's answered every one of our prayers just the way we would have wanted them to be answered if we had known the end from the beginning!
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Permalink Reply by Cherylann Johnson on
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I am sorry but I do not agree with your statrement.
Why are you still single? could it be that you are going after the 'wrong woman'?
Not all women are material as you are implying.. -
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