That's a really great topic. I'd love to hear people's responses to this one. I'm thinking it's the first "red" flag, yet we have to be sensitive to the fact that in our kid's eyes, nobody but the previous spouse is acceptable. I told my daughter that she is not in control of the situation. She is 11 years old. I told her that initially, it's up to me but after (much later) she had given the guy a chance and gotten to know him, then she and I would discuss her concerns and ultimately it would be "me" who decided whether her concerns were valid. I would hope by then, I will have had the opportunity to see them interact and see whether she is responding based on wishing the previous spouse were there versus responding to real and true reasons for not liking this person. I want to be open to seeing how the other guy responds to my child too. Unless I see true care and mutual "like" or "love" for each of them towards the other, I think......I would have to side with giving my child more time and not moving forward with the other guy. My child should still come first. She doesn't need more trauma after going through the divorce, yet she also shouldn't be allowed "control" to the degree that it's ultimately harmful for her mental growth as well. She needs to learn that for Mom, it's okay to move on in her life just like Dad moved on in his..... Hmmmmmm......
Well said. I totally agree.........although there are some children that don't care what you do or who you are with, theyw ill never accept the situation. It is reallly hard at that point because the child(ren) can cause so much pain for you emotionally and socially. For them it is...........I am first so no one can come and take my place, although you have reassured them it will never happen. at this point I think we the parents have to really tell ourselves if (1) Will we stay the way we are, just because our kids don't want to share us? (2) Are we willing to stay alone even when the kids are gone if it makes them happy or (3) Do we look to make ourselves happy and deal with the child(ren) jealousy during it?
I hate to appear to be putting a damper on what seem to be quite agreeable here but we must remember that ending the relationship was an adult choice and the child shouldn't have to pay for it.
Separation or divorce traumatizes a child and has lasting psychological effects that goes on into his or her marriage and raising children. That is without remarriage. Lack of proper preparation can be even more devastating and the tragedy perpetuates throughout a generation or more, not just one person. Remember we are raising children for the kingdom of Christ.
I suggest, that if we must remarry, we establish a friendship with the person we find/God brings to us, include the child/children, let them learn to trust and love as we do. PRAY together, sort out your personal issues with God, then move on as He directs.
It is hardly a simple matter. It requires much prayer and often more sacrifice that we are prepared to offer.
Let's pray for one another.