Should Unmarried Christians Engage in Kissing?

I believe kissing by unmarried Christians is wrong as it is likely to lead to lusting and other wrong acts and we should shun the very appearance of evil.

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Permalink Reply by N Him on April 8, 2011 at 12:34pm

oh. I know the reason why. They are about sex.

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Permalink Reply by Ndamonako Marius on March 21, 2010 at 3:30am

yeah is support the idea, an proverb we say, why play with fire if you don't want to be burn.

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Permalink Reply by Jason M. on April 8, 2011 at 12:12pm

true i agree but a kiss on the cheeks is ok if done by my MoM or sister right

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Permalink Reply by Prince David A on April 8, 2011 at 12:56pm

I think it has to also do with our understanding about the word kissing and the length we go. Many engage in it and didn't lead to lust. You see at very point in time let's continue to pray for the Spirit to guide us in all our ways.

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Permalink Reply by N Him on April 8, 2011 at 2:43pm

Well said Prince.

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Permalink Reply by Daughter of God on October 28, 2011 at 10:06pm

Let me answer a question with a question... Would you consider it adultery if your spouse kissed another man?

Of course you would, because it is a form of lust unless you are talking about a kiss on the cheek which I am assuming you are not.. Though I do admit it is one of the hardest things to prevent when dating.. One really has to be strong in faith to avoid it.. I converted shortly before I married so I have no personal experience to offer here, only principal..

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Permalink Reply by Jeanne Foerster on October 28, 2011 at 10:10pm

My husband and I were in our late 40s when we married. We agreed to some purity guidelines for our courtship and engagement. One of them was not to kiss. This was in part because I know personally where kissing can lead and I didn't want us to go down that path. I can not begin to describe the high it was when the pastor told him that he could kiss me. It truly was our first kiss and I pulled him back (gently of course) for a quick second kiss. That is a moment that I think I will treasure forever.

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Permalink Reply by Ray Phillips on October 29, 2011 at 4:55pm

Ricardo

This is really a culturally based issue more than a moral issue. No one "rule" can be made to apply to all cultures. E.g. Spanish and the other Latin cultures, from what I understand, tend to be more affectionate. For them, the emotions stirred up by kissing might be more than they can handle.

On the other hand, there are some other cultures, such as some of the European ones, i.e German, etc., that are traditionally, more reserved in that area, so that some kissing might be needed to get their emotions started. I have heard of some from these cultures that were afraid to kiss even after marriage. However, I'm sure that this does not represent all of them.

Courting is a time to get to know each other. Part of getting to know each other is an elevation of emotions between the two, yes, which would include moving through the kissing stage on to more emotional interaction. However, when it comes to the point where copulation is desired, then it is time to take the step of marriage first.

The elevation of emotions is a healthy thing in courting and it is one that, when it is allowed to elevate in a healthy manner it will produce a good marriage. On the other hand, one cannot allow their emotions to override their morals either. If either party is feeling that such would be the case, then it would be best to hold off on that much emotion until after marriage. This will vary from one couple to another, from one culture to another and from one society to another. I do not know of any blanket rule for this.

Marnatha :)
Ray

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Permalink Reply by Daughter of God on October 29, 2011 at 5:03pm

My only concern here is that usually it just starts with one innocent kiss, which leads to hormones, which in many cases has lead to people getting married simply, because they cant contain them selves, and just as often resulting in miserable marriages, because it happened for the wrong reasons..

We can't take for granted the fact that two people who aren't genuinely a good fit together, can turn marriage in to a prison instead of the blessing it was meant to be.... In short it is a dangerous game to play not only with your emotions, but those of the person you say you care for.. However I suppose that if you have already proposed it's ok.

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Permalink Reply by Ray Phillips on October 29, 2011 at 10:55pm

Kristina

Yes, it is true that two people who are not seeking God as the third party in their marriage, do often turn a marriage into a prison. And it is also true that it is dangerous to play with another person's emotions. Possibly one of the most cruel games two people can play.

It is never OK to play games with emotions. When I proposed to my first wife, all I could see was positive things about her. Her folks were very happy that I had wanted to marry her and my folks likewise agreed as she was apparently a nice girl. However, after we became engaged, I started seeing things that I did not like. I found that the "nice girl" image was just that, an image. A good looking facade, but that was as far as it went. Also, at first, she seemed to be the independent one of the family, not controlled by her mother as the others were. But that started to change in ways I never dreamed would ever happen, and that is not in a positive sense.

So, I broke our engagement. It was then that I recieved the bad advice. I was told that no real man will go back on his word. While in most situations, that is valid, in matters dealing with the heart, it is not always so.

After it was too late, I read this counsel that I would heartily encourage all who are contemplating marriag to read and heed.

"Better to Break Unwise Engagement.--Even if an engagement has been entered into without a full understanding of the character of the one with whom you intend to unite, do not think that the engagement makes it a positive necessity for you to take upon yourself the marriage vow and link yourself for life to one whom you cannot love and respect. Be very careful how you enter into conditional engagements; but better, far better, break the engagement before marriage than separate afterward, as many do. {AH 48.2}
     "You may say, "But I have given my promise, and shall I now retract it?" I answer, If you have made a promise contrary to the Scriptures, by all means retract it without delay, and in humility before God repent of the infatuation that led you to make so rash a pledge. Far better take back such a promise, in the fear of God, than keep it, and thereby dishonor your Maker. {AH 48.3}
     "Let every step toward a marriage alliance be characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to please and honor God. Marriage affects the afterlife both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make no plans that God cannot approve. {AH 49.1}

Oh, how true and how I wish I had read that before we married, and that Dad had read it before he gave me that bad advice. Because, I was quite sure that our marriage was headed to the rocks before we even married. And it did.

Many years later, clear across the USA and after I had remarried, I came across the pastor who married my first wife and myself. My new wife and his wife became fast friends and one day as we were visiting, the subject of my first marriage came up. He told me that he knew we would not last, but because of the situation, he could not tell me that back then. So, he was not surprised at all that things went south.

So, I am sharing this mistake I made, in the hope that someone else will not make the same one. As Ellen White so wisely counseled, it is much better to break an engagement than get a divorce, esepcially when children are involved.

Maranatha :)
Ray